Five ways of looking at yourself in a cracked mirror
1.
spot what is human
and what is super-
human / a distinction
that could lead
to a series of mis-
understandings
/
I searched under
marked paths for what is
beyond parallel / If
every timeline asked
you to jump would you?
2.
the end is set in motion
by a secret traded
for a promise
to be much more
than what I can offer
I’m too willing
to tighten my grip on
a facade / I become
my own downfall
in a time of need
3.
made a note
to unlearn your name
but you kept breaking
into my house at night
to play me the sound of
a city disintegrating
sweeping all
recognition of real
into an endless
in-between
don’t break my heart
with that slow song
use a bulldozer
use all the fire in the world
to start again
from fresh wreckage
and hold yourself
accountable for
what we had that’s
now unidentifiable
4.
skin gone wild in
the colourless night
I asked you to give
me assurance but
you said / There’s no
need for safety nets
just a good and
simple life unburdened
by anticipation / and so
my skin kept burning
5.
the pieces that make up
every single origin story
were deposited crumb by crumb by a nameless god
or one of our past mistakes
now we scrape them
a shallow excavation
the size of banned lollies
infinitely recycled
from cinema floors
tiny crimson wounds
sweet choking hazards
designed to remind us of our learned hopelessness
we could run for miles
reasons to doubt our own strength
and still stumble upon
light split
from everything familiar
Chris Tse is the author of How to be Dead in a Year of Snakes and HE’S SO MASC. He and Emma Barnes are the co-editors of Out Here: An anthology of Takatāpui and LGBTQIA+ writers from Aotearoa. His third collection, Super Model Minority, will be published by AUP in early 2022.
